Life... It's Bigger

A patient died on Nats' operating table today. Well, technically the patient was not yet being operated on by Nats because she died after the anesthesia was administered. Nats had not yet started his operation when her condition became worse. Nats said her condition was on the really dangerous side already and that she had a weak heart too.

Nats was, to say the least, quite affected by it. It was the first time a patient died on his operating table and he has already said before that that's the one thing he's afraid of. Although Nats' operation on the patient (she was referred to Nats by the Internal Medicine department because they wanted Nats to cut off her hand which was suffering from an infection which worsened her heart condition) had not yet started when she died, still he feels the burden.

He said they still tried to revive the patient after her (heart) arrest and that they succeeded in reviving her. After they revived her, however, they couldn't do anything more. This, he said, was the most difficult time throughout the entire thing, the fact that they couldn't do anything more--but sit back and wait. They couldn't continue the operation until she was stable. The only other scenario where they can do something about her is when she dies--sadly, that's the truth about the medical profession. You can only do so much.

Nats had no other choice but to wait--wait for the patient to stabilize or to die. Nats said he literally sat there beside her, waiting and observing. What a terrible thing to be subject to, huh? It's no wonder doctors have a tendency to their patients more like "cases", i.e. too objective, not enough sensitivity. There's way too much emotional turmoil involved with each patient, and with so many patients with such serious cases (Nats' hospital, the UP Philippine General Hospital, being a public and charity-driven hospital, only gets the worst kinds of cases to make the best use of limited resources), getting emotionally involved will undoubtedly drain the strength out of any physician, no matter how generous and caring.

And so, after two hours of waiting, the patient died. It was very sad to hear Nats talk about it. Things like these, when they happen, they make you forget about all the petty worries in your own life. These past few days have been really really stressful for me, and I'm talking about shedding tears when I'm alone, feeling really down even when the sun was shining real hard and seemed to be trying to cheer me up... you think you have it hard, but when the reality of how life is short hits you like the way Nats' little story for the day hit me... how small all my worries and sadnesses looked compared to the tragedy met by his patient's family!

The patient was a woman and a mother and Nats had to explain things to her family. It was really difficult for Nats to talk to her daughter, who, sadly, arrived a little bit too late--the mom already died when she got to PGH. Nats had to be strong in order to explain to the daughter everything that happened. The daughter was very gracious about it, he said. She even thanked him for doing everything even if the truth was that time was indeed already running out on her mom. To be gracious in the middle of such a huge loss... that's courage... that's real strength.

Life really is short and precious. Sometimes we forget how fleeting our moments are simply because we are so busy living in them. God uses dark episodes like this to show us how we should treasure each day He has given us. To show us that maybe the little disappointments that come our way are not as devastating as we believe they are. To show us that there is more to life than this... whatever "this" is.