Am up to my ears cramming for my compre exam... I'm thinking now, what better way to keep my sanity than to... read Calvin & Hobbes?! Here are some favorite "Calvinisms" that made me smile today:
- [Calvin stands behind an upside-down cardboard box with the sign 'A swift kick in the butt: $1.00'] Hobbes: How’s business? Calvin: Terrible. I can’t understand it. Everybody I know needs what I’m selling!
- Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents won’t empower me! Consequently, I am not self-actualized! My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process to toxic codependency! I need holistic healing and wellness before I’ll accept any responsibility for any actions!...I love the culture of victimhood.
- Why should I have to work for everything? It’s like saying I don’t deserve it!
- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- I think grown-ups just act like they know what they’re doing.
- I asked mom if I was a gifted child… she said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. You can relate this little story when the reporters ask how I went bad.
- Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
- Calvin: I don’t understand it, Hobbes. The kids teased me when I didn’t play baseball. Then they yelled at me when I did play. Then the teacher called me a “quitter” when I stopped playing… unless you’re a star, you can’t please anyone.
Hobbes: In that case, why not just please yourself?
Calvin: Because mom won’t let me move to Madagascar. - I don’t like maxims that encourage behavior modification.
- I’ve got more brains than I know what to do with.
- Calvin [talking to the TV]: Oh, great altar of passive entertainment! Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!
- Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
- There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
- Life’s a lot more fun if you’re not responsible for your actions.
- Calvin [In a letter to Susie]: Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. Sincerely, Calvin.
- In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- That’s one of the remarkable things about life… it’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.
- Golly, I’d hate to have a kid like me.
- When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation.
- I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
- Saturday is the best day of the week. No demands at all! Perfect freedom. The whole day stretches before us with unlimited opportunity. And what better way to appreciate the opportunity than by squandering it by watching cartoons all day.
- My fall lineup got cancelled. Dad said one TV in the house was bad enough. And he preferred the one with the remote control.
- Hobbes: How did you do on your math quiz?
Calvin: I flunked it… but only because I ran out of time. The worst part, though, was the Susie Derkins won our bet on who’d get the better score. I had to pay her 25 cents. But get this! I cheated her! I only gave her three dimes! Ha!
I guess when I laugh at Calvin, I laugh at myself too. That's probably why I was laughing so hard and enjoying reading these cartoons so much that I lost track of time again! Oh, well as Calvin would probably say, what the heck--just do tomorrow what you can put off today!
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1 comment:
oooh...i so love calvin and hobbes!:D they make the world a better place. heehee!
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